Your Autistic Student Isn’t Being Sarcastic, They Take What You Say Literally
Are your autistic students being rude to you? Are you sure?
What is mistaken for disrespect and backtalk is often the result of the neurotypical teacher intending to convey a specific, hidden message, and the autistic child not picking up on that message, and instead only responding to the literal words.
I was inspired to write this article after seeing this meme:
The teacher asked, “What would your parents say if I called them?”
He answered: “Hello.”
What the teacher actually meant was to deliver a mild threat designed to make the misbehaving child think twice about doing whatever it is they were doing.
Let’s take a look at the vast difference between how neurotypical and autistic students would interpret this question.
Neurotypical Teacher:
“What would your parents say if I called them?”
Neurotypical Student:
Instantly understand they’re receiving a mild threat designed to correct their behavior.
“I don’t know.”
The neurotypical student may look away, tears filling their eyes, their cheeks blushing scarlet in embarrassment and fear of punishment to come. To the neurotypical teacher, these reactions are a sign of submission, which is what she wants and expects. The teacher is now back in control, the student is “back in their place”, and they both can move on.
Neurotypical Teacher: “What would your parents say if I called them?”
Autistic Student: “Hello.”
The student takes the question literally. Despite the disagreement moments before, the autistic child does not make a connection between that disagreement and what they perceive as a brand-new, unrelated question. They may be confused by this sudden change in topic, but, wanting to please the teacher, look up innocently and give a literal answer.
The neurotypical teacher takes this as sarcasm and backtalk. To them, it sounds like, “Screw you, teacher. I’m not scared. Buzz off,” or, even, “I dare you to call them.” The teacher sees this as deeply disrespectful and only becomes angrier. The autistic child is startled by the rising anger in the teacher’s voice, and this sudden shock to their nervous system results in a meltdown, which the neurotypical teacher perceives as more “bad behavior”, which leads to more yelling and threats of punishment, to the point the child falls to the floor, wracked with hyperventilating sobs. Moments later, they’re at the principal’s office in total shutdown, where their temporary inability to speak is perceived as stubbornness, stonewalling, or “doubling down” on their disrespect.
This is why so many autistic children, teens, and adults have complex PTSD.
Other statements and questions your autistic student may take literally and be misunderstood as defiance or disrespect, include, but are not limited to:
NT Teacher: “You’ve got to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.”
ND Student: *looks down* “But, I’m not wearing boots.”
NT Teacher: “You’d better straighten out!”
ND Student: *goes rigid in their seat, trying to get their body as straight as possible*
NT Teacher: “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”
ND Student: *too baffled to speak* May scowl with confusion, often misinterpreted as anger
NT Teacher: “Why don’t you try seeing the glass as half full?”
ND Student: *looks around in confusion* “What glass?”
NT Teacher: “Stop tattling on everyone all the time!”
ND Student: *doesn’t tell the teacher when they see another child carrying matches or other harmful objects* To a literal-thinking autistic person, a rule is a rule; there are no exceptions. This isn’t “weaponized compliance”, either; it’s a concrete, literal interpretation of the command and an attempt to follow it as instructed to reduce getting into trouble.
The Takeaway
Autistic students endure hundreds of these misunderstandings throughout their educational career. By the time they hit high school, they are confused, hurt, angry, burnt out, socially withdrawn, and/or abusing substances to cope with the pain of getting angry responses and receiving punishments they don’t understand.
By the time [autistic children] hit high school, they are confused, hurt, angry, burnt out, socially withdrawn, and/or abusing substances to cope with the pain of getting angry responses and receiving punishments they don’t understand.
Jaime A. Heidel – The Articulate Autistic
The best thing you can do for your autistic students is to learn more about literal thinking, and when they say something that sounds disrespectful, take a moment to consider how what you said might have come across to a literal thinker. Then, explain what you mean, translate the idiom, and tell the child exactly what you expect from them in plain language. This can save a lot of trauma and confusion, so autistic children have a better chance of growing into not only educated but emotionally-regulated adults.
Learn more about how your autistic students think, learn, and perceive communication by picking up a copy of my book, “What Did I Do Wrong?”
